So often, I forget what it feels like not to ache in every bone. What it feels like not to struggle, hour by hour, to keep my eyes open, my body upright, my brain functioning, when all I want to do is melt down into a fetal-curled ball of whimpering self.

And I judge myself for it. It’s hard when you don’t even have a major diagnosis (lupus! MS! thyroid dysfunction!) to fall back on. I read about cancer patients undergoing chemo who can do more in a day than I can, and I wonder in shame what it feels like to have that kind of energy, drive, and focus. To have an internal model of what “healthy” feels like that I could strive to regain (I’ve had chronic fatigue since I was a teen, and I no longer remember what it felt like to live without it).

Often, I don’t even notice how fatigued I am, how sore. I think the way I feel is “normal” until a (rare) dose of narcotics makes me feel like I can fly, simply because I can get up and walk across the room without having to brace myself for the experience first. And then my mind boggles to think how much I could accomplish if I felt that way every day.

No one understands the experience of chronic fatigue unless they have lived with it. I, too, wish they could.

Also, I’m thrilled to hear that you found a treatment that is helping you so much!