They would not give me a pencil when I indicated I wanted one, and deliberately moved the writing surface out of my reach.

When a compassionate nurse (the *only* compassionate nurse) finally gave me a pencil, paper, and a writing surface, what did I write?

I wrote “I love you.”

ps, i’m struggling without spell check here, time to dust off my third grade spelling rules, hahaha

What you’ve written here is tremendous and articulates so much. Thank you very much for writing this (and for all the other work you’ve done for today, which I haven’t had a chance to read yet). Hope you’ve got plenty more time to live the life you’d like to live.

Thank you.

I’ve been around other places on the net, but I always felt like this blog required a certain level of formality from me, or at least a certain amount of thought behind what I was writing, like I don’t just rattle things off and post them here without thinking about them. And that’s not something I had the energy to give, for a really long time. I’m hoping it’ll be better now that I’m on dexamethasone.

As for the bullies, they have to live a much more limited life than me to even care so much about me. I mean it takes time and energy to focus that much hatred, and I mostly try to not think about them much, they don’t deserve it. But I do worry about the chilling effect they have on other people, because I’ve gotten a lot of emails from people a lot like me, who are now scared to tell their stories because of what I’ve gone through.

And thank you. The positive comments I get mean a lot even when I can’t figure out how to reply to them. Even comments that aren’t so positive are welcomed, as long as they’re thoughtful and not malicious. Malicious comments won’t be tolerated, not even if they masquerade as innocent. And neither will certain kinds of comments that are destructive even if not malicious. (So basically, disagreement’s fine, malice isn’t, neither is stuff that has a certain destructive effect that I can’t quantify in words.)

It’s such a relief to know you’re okay. I just wanted to say that, and to thank you for blogging, for sharing pieces of yourself with the world the way you do. I wish I could snap my fingers and all the bullies’ lips would be sealed and their words would evaporate into thin air but I can’t so instead I just want to send you as much positivity and good will as I can in a blog comment.

Looking forward to reading whatever you share in future.

sincerely,
Jam

Wow, thanks… but don’t take my word for everything, that makes me nervous. Because I can be wrong in huge ways too. But I do feel like this is one of the more important things I’ve ever written on this blog. I hope I’m right.