I know nothing about the kind of politics that involve Congress and so on and have a friend who studies it. And she once had me turn off language and watch whoever she pointed out on CSPAN. And my assessments of these people usually matched up with hers even though mine were purely through tone and movement and hers were purely through studying their words and careers.

And I once had a social worker who was a terrible predatory person. I was wary of her on sight. Another autistic person I knew was wary of her just hearing her voice on the phone. All the nonautistic people I knew never suspected a thing until they saw her ruthlessly hurting and manipulating people.

I also suspect based on talking to nonautistic people that whatever body language I pick up on is different from what they pick up on. My theory is that “charming sociopath” types, learn to manipulate only the parts of their body language that most people can read easily. Since I don’t read that part easily, I’m not often fooled, I’m seeing the part of them they haven’t thought to hide.

I’ve known a number of autistic people who are empaths–who feel everything going on in a room of people when they first enter. I have this experience in any group of people; it’s as though all the emotional vectors go through me. My guess is that I’m reading a ton of nonverbals and hearing a ton of language, but can’t parse or prioritize it, so it all just comes through unfiltered. If there is a dangerous person in a room, or if the group itself feels dangerous in any way, I will know it.

It doesn’t really happen to me with body stuff, but it happens in other areas. It is interesting, and occasionally it really amazes me.

It also seems to be how I pick a lot of stuff up and know how to do it: not (entirely) consciously.(For example, in the areas of taking care of plants and baking). Which also means I’m at a loss when other people want to know how I do it. Though I guess in these areas people might refer to it as a talent.

Which has left me in many situations sitting there realizing how evil someone was, panicking, but either not going anywhere, or going towards them rather than away from them. And then later, after I found myself repeatedly victimized, going “Why didn’t I run at the first sign?”

I suspect part of that has to do with my natural passivity and part of it has to do with having been “worked on” by a few sociopaths and other such people so as to present an easier target for them.

But I have also had many experiences where I noticed someone was a truly evil person, others didn’t notice, and when the shit hit the fan I was the only one who saw it coming even though I also didn’t move out of the way. And was utterly astonished by “But she seemed so nice…” when I had never seen even a hint of niceness from the person at all.

I suspect I will have better experiences now that I am aware to move out of the way. But there’s a chance that my brain still has traps set in it that I’m unaware of. (Some people like that condition their targets to make it easier for the next abuser, bully, or sociopath who comes along. And then the next one widens the hole for the next one to enter through. Etc. That’s been part of my problem in life is learning to disarm the traps and close the holes.)

The rest of my vulnerability to this stuff seems to come from something I’ve been meaning to write about, although I hadn’t thought of this context. I really, despite how it’s seemed now and then, have spent most of my life as if I was floating underwater and being moved about by various currents rather than doing much moving on my own (which is a theme in an unpublished poem-or-something I’ve written). I’ve only discovered recently some very basic concepts that other people pick up much earlier, or even seem to be born with. One of those is that I’m allowed to choose my own friends. I used to think I had to put up with whoever showed up, and even when I managed to reject some people it was never forceful or with a sense that I had any right to.

The thing that got me thinking about it tonight was that a little girl in one of my classes as a young (5ish) kid had chopped her hair off in an attempt to seem like Cyndi Lauper. And acts like that were miles over my head at that time. It would never have occurred to me to do something like that on a huge number of levels (not least of which was that it required a certain understanding of the world and my relation to it and agency within it that didn’t exist for me). I mean there were a few things I insisted on doing but there was something much simpler about it.

I’d go on more but maybe I ought to put it in a post instead of tangenting here. (Goes off to find a text editor.)

One area in which I seem to have the kind of instinctual knowing you describe is with people who put off a certain kind of bad energy. I can always spot a psychologically or physically dangerous person. The minute he/she walks into a room, a little voice in my head says, “Get as far away from this person as possible.” It’s very clear, and there is never any doubt involved. Meanwhile, everyone else is acting like everything is fine, and talking about how wonderful the person is, and then years later, when they find out that the person was scum all along, they all run around crying, “How could we have known? How could we have known?”

If they’d have asked me, I’d have told them it was obvious.

BTW “immaculate conception” refers to being conceived without original sin, not being conceived without sex.