My initial reaction to that was, “Gah, what if she’s right?”, but after looking more carefully at my life vs. her perception of my life, I realized that there was no doubt that she was wrong. And I also realized that the reason I was able to question her appraisal of me in the first place was because I recognized what was going on from reading others’ experiences (including, and perhaps especially, yours).

Prior to that experience, I’d had several similar ones:

– with my sixth-grade teacher (who repeatedly told me that I was rude and obviously “thought [I] was better than everyone else”, and that my strong interests were a sign that I was “too lazy to learn about anything else”),

– with a chemistry teacher in college (who decided that if I got up to use the restroom that meant I was “cheating”, and determined that he needed to pull his chair right up next to my desk and stare at my papers while I was taking a test),

– with a co-worker at one of my first jobs (who picked me out of the entire staff as needing his “mentoring”, and who once trapped me in a room claiming that he needed to “get rid of my defense mechanisms” (which he admitted might “feel like torture”) otherwise I’d be doomed to “not meeting my potential”.).

There were others that fit the pattern (as well as plenty of general bullying, and that thing where I often got yelled at out car windows for merely walking down the street), but those ones stand out because they involve my being singled out and treated as if I needed Special Emergency Intervention in order to keep me from going down the path to ruin. And it took me until just over a year ago to figure out that this wasn’t really about me being as messed up as people thought I was, but that there was something else going on, and that it probably was related to discrimination. And not discrimination based on any particular “label” I had, but based on things about my demeanor, etc., that I didn’t even realize for years.

fail on my part really

The AS assessment criteria was based on a MALE CHILD PHENOTYPE.

You need to find someone who is experienced in diagnosing ADULT FEMALES.

Tony Attwood is a published psychologist who has written about the differences betweed females and males. One of the differences is the fact that some females can be more social.

Specifically, I’ve witnessed assumptions people make about obviously(to me) intelligent (even “genius”) and gentle people I know. Attitudes and words that show their beliefs that those people were somehow “retarded” or unlikeable. Whether another person is disliked is up to each person to decide when they measure them up – not an inherent trait they possess – “unlikeable.”

I’ve also heard my mother(a chemistry major) over the years tell me ways that people treated her without respect, assumed she was mentally slow because of the way she struggled for words at times, and was even treated outside the bounds of bank policy (demanding extra things of her) because of the way they perceived her. For years, I considered that she might be being overly-sensitive, or that it was “in her head.” But now, I’ve had enough life experience to see that isn’t the case.

As you said about seeing negative judgements passed about people you could see wonderful things about, all of my life I’ve had “autie-dar” like “gaydar,” but didn’t know it. I saw people who to me were present, or mentally-focussed, creative, interesting, and idealistic, and the perceptions of others towards them were dismissive or that they couldn’t figure them out.

I think that’s alot of why people dismiss others or allow themselves to be annoyed when they encounter people they don’t understand. That’s why understanding types of disability fosters real compassion.

I hope you reply to this comment, although i know that you probably don’t have time to. i struggle with my identity and where I belong. I’m not NT. I think, act, and react very differently than most people. Most being the NT’s. I have CAPD (adutiory processing problems), spacial problems, and other different sensitory issues. But I’m very social, I have no problem making friends. So I’m not seen as autistic or even aspergers becuase of that. When I was very young because of how I was they tried to diagnose me but becuase I was so social they didn’t help me. (the fact that i could do alot of math in my head as a gradeschooler but couldn’t write it “didnt mean” anything).
Added with the fact I look nearly 10 years younger than my actual age, people rarely take me seriously. If they do somehow trust I’m a capable person after I make a mistake in something thats difficult for me (reading a clock, counting money, or listening to them speak) they discredit me as lazy or stupid.

So from someone who looks and acts like an NT but has a completely different mind then them…props to you.

write back if you want, I’d love to hear any tips that you have.