and.. i don’t even know if i want to value dreams more than reality, but.. in dreams.. there’s this thing where.. sometimes my subconscious pulls out a couple of really interesting things. worlds that are so nostalgic and strange. like the world was when i was a kid (now it’s mostly lost :( ). my dreams usually don’t have a bad plot xD just a little sappy sometimes :p but the sappy stories seem heartbreaking in dreams. it’s really sad when you wake up and realise you can’t really tell about it to many people cause they’ll think it’s really stupid :p
however, my dreams have interesting stuff in them.. usually very intricate stories. where the world is big and magical, i don’t know.. that’s what makes it great.
to give a little bit of the feel of the world in my dreams, here’s a link. it’s this new artist i found like a few days ago and i’m totally crazy for her music right now. she’s the only Lithuanian artist (my country) i ever listen to.. i know the music’s weird, but it’s just so magical. too bad you won’t understand the words :p they’re half what makes it special. i tried translating them to my boyfriend, but translated they seem just plain lame :p you don’t translate poetry and get away with it..
anyway, here’s the link. it’s a myspace page of the artist.. click on the player to choose a song. my recommendation: “lijo” or “menulyje”.
http://www.myspace.com/alinaorlova

okay, copying the link is NOT an excuse to listen to the song. before i know it i’ll get bored with them. it’s been three days, i’ve listened to them so many times i know the lyrics in and out already.

If you take a wheelchair away from someone who can just barely walk without it, the most likely outcome is that their life will become more restricted, exhausting, and painful. Forcing someone into a situation where they either have to use up massive efforts to get around, or be completely unable to get from place to place is more likely to wear them out than do any good.

Anyway, I’d hardly say I’m obsessive about my dreams. I mainly record them when I can so I can write something on a fairly routine basis. I wasn’t too good at keeping a “normal” sort of journal for a while, so I went with something else.

I actually don’t think about my dreams as much anymore. Probably because I got so intensely involved in them before that they became more important to me than the real world. And I think that was a mistake on my part.

I used to be able to do things like control them to a pretty fine degree of detail, open my eyes but stay asleep, continue them where I left off if I woke up and went back to sleep, etc. Right now about the only part of that I retain is the ability to wake myself up if necessary during nightmares.

I noticed that on the combination of medications I was on before (before the Trileptal started messing with my liver), I actually slept more soundly. And I had less control over my dreams, which were so realistic they felt exactly like reality. They often had elaborate plots, too, although they were mostly like bad sci-fi novels or something. Really bad ones, the kind that almost never get published and if they do they go out of print fast. When I woke up I was often disoriented because I’d taken the dreams for real.

And I’m a pretty light sleeper if I’m not on certain meds. Amitriptyline seems to really help with that. (Wow, an actual use for an anti-depressant. That’s stunning in itself.) The problem is part of the reason I was a light sleeper was physical problems I was having in my sleep, so now instead of waking up choking on reflux I’m choking on it and even spitting it up in my sleep without waking. (I taped myself to see if it was still going on without my knowledge. It was.)

I also noticed that when I moved from California to Vermont I quit having nightmares every night. I guess so much bad had happened to me in and near California that the place itself was too much of a reminder for me. Being away from there was really good for me, I went from being constantly bothered by PTSD-type stuff to comparatively little of it.

So… I guess I find dreams interesting, but not too interesting anymore. I don’t want to value them over the real world again, so I guess I’m more conservative about that than a lot of people would have to be.

I personally keep a dream log. My recall has been a bit lousy lately, though. Last night, however, I remember dreaming about Amanda. We were riding the bus somewhere and talking. I don’t remember much of what was said mainly because at some point, I realized, well, she wasn’t using any communication devices. When I said something about it, she told me she was using telepathy. *blinks* Well, my dreams sure are strange but since it was a dream, well, I shrugged and we went on talking. :P

Makoto – I like the three-legged analogy.

tinted – yes, the best (and least staffy) staff do seem often to get driven out, relegated to the unpopular jobs, & so on. I’ve known more than one who was dismissed on a trumped-up charge, or so hindered that he ended up resigning for health reasons. I think anyone who really challenges an established system, and the interests it embodies, is susceptible to that treatment.

those aren’t really who I’m thinking of. I’m thinking more of the more-or-less decent who see – but who simultaneously don’t see when it really matters. or who react institutionally, even though they reflect (but chiefly in the abstract) humanly. and yes, that does include those who take refuge in paperwork, and Enlightened policies. (policies are less messythan people.)

you’re also right that an interesting thing seems to happen, in the not-so-shiny wards, somewhere in between the front wards, where people are expected to Get Better, and any sign of not doing so tends to be punished, and what I think of as the real back wards, which tend to be like storage bins for people considered sub-human, mostly unable to complain or to be believed, and where it’s very easy for blatant sadists to flourish.

in the not-so-shiny wards, there tends to be much less intensity of normative pressure, fewer outsiders to whom Therapeutic Intent has to be displayed, and a lower turnover of patients than on the front wards, and staff and patients do seem to mix socially far more equally than anywhere else, such that the vagaries of both sides become fairly indistinguishable. also, when time does come to restore the power balance (which it seems periodically to do), or when someone’s punished for breaking the rules, it’s both fairly visible (which I can handle, whereas it took me years to spot the disguised, Therapeutic kind), and mostly more token than deliberately vicious. I wonder, though, whether that’s still as true since smoking bans?

as for MIND, not my favourite body.

And someone wrote a ridiculously childish comment on the Wired article saying that how can someone be intelligent or not defective if they can’t shower themselves. For goodness’ sake! The measure of how worthwhile a person is cannot be measured by their ability to shower.

To give a basic example. Saddam Hussein could probably shower himself – but he was not someone who made a positive contribution to society in any way.

Stephen Hawking cannot shower himself unaided – but he is a good person and is stunningly intelligent and has made huge contributions to the world of science.

So, like I said, a basic example, but you get the idea!