Funny, I was going to use Wittgenstein as an example.

For a person who has issues with words, I talk too much, don’t I….

get rested & well,

p

John and similar minded people with whom I am certain you have had to deal with throughout your life countless times, many of whom were probably physically violent, serve as an example to what I am trying to express. There is one word in particular that I really do not like, and that is the word “truth”. The problem with this, as I understand it, is that truth is believed to be a structure of words. That truth can be expressed by words. Or rather, that the words themselves are the truth. I do not at all claim that there is not a “truth” out there, quite the contrary, but most people believe that their description of that truth, depending on their sole angle from which they are seeing it, is the one and only and irrefutable truth. So what we end up with is billions of people walking around with their own take of “truth”, believing it to be the only truth… and this leads to a lot of hate when confronted by other truths, because their own irrefutable truth is put into question, which leads to violence and war.

There is a difference between understanding and knowing. “Knowing” means that something has been explained, “understanding” means that something has been personally experienced. The first leads to smartness, the second leads to wisdom.

Just as there are people who look at history and feel anger at the actions of Hitler, there will also be people who look at history and who will hate the actions of Martin Luther King jr.. This is simply their truth. And unfortunately, it is almost impossible to shift another’s truth by way of knowing (through words). Only understanding (personal experience) has the power to really shift a personal truth.

People such as John are bound, beyond their will, to their personal truth. There will always be people who will dislike, even hate you and your endeavours. But you are a wise person, one who has gone through many experiences, one who has lived through these things. In your comment above, you expressed a certain gratitude for these kinds of people… and that is a hallmark of wisdom, of experience; to know that the positive is inextricably tied to the negative, and that from the negative there is much learning to be had.

Your actions are incredible. Doubtless, you will be one of the Martin Luther King jr.s of history. Of course their will be adversity, this is necessary as not only does change not come of its own, but change is actually resisted by the majority of people. Why? Because change produces new experiences… and as I stated, experiences do have the power to shift personal truths. And we humans protect our personal truth ferociously, because deep inside we UNDERSTAND just how frail they are.

In regards to my previous comment… there are things I wish I had not written. I should have had ample experiences to by now understand that I ought not write when I am very tired… but alas, I am not a wise person. Words, of course, did not come out as I had wanted them to. But then again, one of the interesting side effects of my recent battle with words is that I am beginning to lose the ability I once had with them. If I am not very careful, my writings tend to be riddled with errors. This is tolerable, but also, sometimes I say things that I had not intended to say.

Even in this comment I am bound by words, which unfortunately means that I am locked within the paradox of expressing a personal truth.

I wish you health. You do very well to rest, for if given a fair opportunity, the body is very wise at healing itself. I wish you luck, I even wish you strength, though you are one of the strongest people I have ever seen.

Much love (and yes, the love I send to you is a pure love from my core, the love that naturally flows from one human when his/her soul recognizes another human),

-Carlos

http://ballastexistenz.autistics.org/?p=301 (but remember, some non-autistics with certain impairments have similar problems with flourescent lights, and some autistics are UNaffected by fluorescent lights)
http://ballastexistenz.autistics.org/?cat=130 (i think “autistic style life-skills” category could sometimes have something to do with living environment)
http://ballastexistenz.autistics.org/?p=252 (inside this post are some infos about what was wrong in ABs previous apartment and what makes her present one more livable for her)
http://madmadj.blogspot.com/ (sometimes she talks about the way they make their LeisureLand autie-friendly intentional community to fit their needs and preferences)
http://thiswayoflife.com/helpforautistics.html (there are a lot of practical ideas in here, some of which even if they are written about the workplace could fit other environments too.)

i have to go becos i am in a library and they are closing. if i forgot something i will make a PS later.

CNN contacted the office of the doctor who originally diagnosed me with autism back in 1995, they contacted my caseworker, they knew of my misdiagnoses over the years (even asked my caseworker about meds for schizophrenia), they read my files from more than one agency (more than I have on the web, including brain scans from 1995) and photocopied them.

I have a complex history. It does not mean that I want to answer questions-that-are-not-real-questions from hostile strangers. It does not mean I have no right to privacy (I have even refrained from saying some things that explain some of this because I don’t want to violate the privacy of others). But there are things you don’t know the whole story on, and will probably never know, because I will never trust you enough to let you find out. I can see though that a little knowledge, combined with a lot of malice, is a dangerous thing.

But I know how my life has really gone, and so do the people closest to me. You will barring a miracle never believe me on that, but it’s true. And as I learned from Donna Williams, it’s the ones closest to me that matter. She has said:

I used to be intense about precision. The media knocked that out of me. The way I am talked of, advertised, packaged, pulled apart, even heralded and praised, has taught me to give in about my insistence others must be precise in their representations of me. All I need to know is that I know me… and maybe those most personal and closest to me. But I had to learn to let them see me through their eyes, their feelings, their structures too. Anyway, the more strangers describe me through their own baggage or are way off mark from who I am or how I work, the more they have helped me to dearly value those close to me… and that was something I was very aloof about before. So I thank those who ever portrayed me wrong. You helped me immensely. What can make us crumble, can often also make us more whole… its a matter of focus- self as a victim of crappy experiences versus crappy experiences as an indicator of what’s needed or how great other stuff is by contrast.

Gossip isn’t you and it isn’t yours unless you created it directly by your own hand. If it’s not yours, you can’t control it and time is worth everything. Change what you can but also learn that giving up isn’t giving in. Learn to say ‘so what’, ‘so bloody what’… then get on with it.

That’s all I’m going to say to you. Please leave and stop bothering me. I don’t have the time or energy to waste on pointless antagonism, especially not now.

To everyone else: Sorry about not getting responses in sooner. I’m still working on a post about how my 15 minutes went from my perspective, and I’m still sick in bed a lot of the time at the moment. Thanks for the comments, and thanks in particular to n. and andreashettle for fielding a lot of questions for me.

Here are a few initial questions:

When you repeatedly wave your arms about, are you feeling or thinking something in particular in conjunction with the doing of that? Are there certain specific emotions or thoughts that you wish to express in that way?

Do you have an active dream life? We consider all dreams to have an architectural dimension. Have you had architectural dreams, ones taking place within certain specific architectural surrounds?

How similar is your will to communicate through typing words and sentences to your will to communicate through repetitive action?

Arakawa Madeline Gins Jondi Keane Annie Rosenberg