Comments on: Disability simulations are not the only kind that don’t work.

By: Kristina Chew

Kristina Chew — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 17:40:09 +0000

I know I can’t ever entirely (or at all) “get inside” Charlie’s head, when he’s headbanging or running up and down the room in a very hyper fashion. And I think it is important to know that there is a distance between us, that we are very different, but also to keep working towards some connection.

And then to acknowledge our differences again.

By: ballastexistenz

ballastexistenz — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 15:45:56 +0000

You’re right, relating to others on the basis of actual shared experiences is totally different to trying something way outside the context of what someone else is experiencing, and then forcing that experience on someone saying that it’s okay because you’ve tried it, or at least that you sympathize because you’ve tried it.

I’ve had much less trouble with staff who had experienced restraints, but then, I’ve rarely had any staff who’d experienced them try to use them on me. They generally had a clue about certain power relationships involved. And even if they had used them on me, they would not have even thought to try “Oh I know how you feel, so I’m doing it to you.” (Unless we were dealing with Stockholm Syndrome, which does happen, and isn’t pretty, and is often exploited by existing staff.)

And with regard to what that staff person was doing, in your analogy it would’ve been the equivalent of saying “I know what it’s like to be raped. Because I have had sex.” While raping someone.

Or the equivalent of staff saying, “I know what being hit is like, because I’ve had someone hit me in a controlled martial arts class setting,” while hitting someone.

By: Jannalou

Jannalou — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 15:08:56 +0000

I think it’s possible to associate our own behaviours with those that others exhibit. I’ve never banged my head on purpose (done it enough by accident to know I don’t like it), but I’ve pulled my own hair and bitten the palm of my hand – both in response to stress/anxiety, when there was literally nothing I could do otherwise to release the pressure inside.

But, yeah… the statement in the opening paragraph of this post (“I can understand how you feel,” said the staff person as she was busy strapping me to a bed, and I was busy struggling. “During our trainings, we had to get strapped down for five minutes. It was really scary.”) seems to me to be akin to telling a rape victim, “I can understand how you feel. I’ve had to (name random distasteful activity). It wasn’t much fun.” Or, even better, stating that your own first time hurt, so you understand how she feels. You don’t. You can’t. (I don’t, by the way.)

By: No Clever Nickname

No Clever Nickname — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 10:29:33 +0000

I remember being at the end of my rope trying to figure out why my son was banging his head. So I tried it. While nursing my swollen hairline I realized I was missing the point – it’s the frustration or feelings leading up to the banging that’s the important part. So that’s the part that I’ve tried to understand and assist him in expressing / working through. I don’t know what it’s like to be so frustrated or feel something so intensely that the only thing I feel that I could do is headbang, but I think that through the learning and growing process both he and I have come to some common ground and the head banging is pretty much nonexistent these days.

What I can’t imagine is banging his head as a punishment and justifying it by saying that I’ve banged my own head. It’s really twisted.