It keeps happening because as long as we have “a continuum of alternative placements” we will never stop saying or believing “they” are not like “us.” Not worthy of a place in community. Less than. Other.

And so, when I learned that both of those assumptions were false, I found it quite shocking and depressing. How can this still be happening in this day and age? And how can people excuse the killers? It just boggles my mind.

I try to have compassion towards all fellow humans, not only those who “deserve” it- partly because of the abuse I endured growing up as an autistic; my abusers would have said I did not deserve compassion because my neurological and psychiatric issues made me less than human; if I deny them compassion because they are abusers, am I sinking to their level?

I fail at extending compassion far more than I care to admit. Many have called me “bitter” because I am still so angry about some of my experiences that I cannot feel anything other than pure rage and hate towards the perpetrators most of the time.

I want to say that your blog has been most enlightening to me, and you have affected the way I think about many of the issues discussed here. I read every entry though I don’t think I’ve commented before. I am honored to have this discussion with you and I thank you for speaking out.

My viewpoint, at any rate, isn’t that we shouldn’t try to figure out why these things happen in general. It’s that there are ways of doing that responsibly, and ways of doing it irresponsibly — and things that shouldn’t be brought into it time after time.

I’m not up for a full answer, although I wish I was. I do know that Dick Sobsey’s book Violence and Abuse in the Lives of People with Disabilities: The End of Silent Acceptance? does go into this in a good deal more detail. It’s unfortunately out of print, but can sometimes be found floating around used (sometimes it’s necessary to wait awhile to find a cheap one).

I think one of the good things to look at is why disabled people are viewed as expendable (or at least “more expendable”) under these circumstances, what the roots of that are.

Another good thing to look at is what power can do to people. And, what damage the self-delusion of “But I have no power” can do. And the responsible use vs. the abuse, of power.

But none of that is what people tend to do when they talk about having “compassion” for the murderer in these situations, and about trying to “understand” why they did it.

Most tend to be looking at the situation more in ways that dilute the murderer’s responsibility for what happened (blaming “society”, or “feeling bad for her plight as a struggling mother”, “doing what she thought was right,” etc), and that then open the door for more murders of the same variety.

They also tend to come down rather hard on people who say “You know what, this was wrong, just utterly wrong,” saying such people are judgemental — when most of the same people wouldn’t think twice probably about saying “this was wrong, just utterly wrong” if the person were killed for being black, or gay, or something like that. Or even if the person were just killed without their particular category of person being a factor at all.

The fact that murder is generally treated as incomprehensible evil when done in other circumstances, yet as comprehensible in these circumstances, is itself a problem, and is the bulk of the problem I was addressing. I personally do have compassion for all murderers, as people, but I don’t tend to announce that right after a murder.

I hope that makes some sense. I haven’t been able to say everything I think because I’m exhausted. (I’ve spent the entire day, except for an hour, around people.) Other people have covered this ground better than I am, probably.